My Internship Experience at United Way

When I started the post-graduate public relations program at Niagara College, I already knew which direction I wanted to take once I finished. An advantage of returning to school at age 40 - I have more life experience compared to younger students and know what my strengths and weaknesses are and what I'm passionate about.

Last fall, my fellow classmates and I had to apply for our internships. Since I have an intense desire to help and empower others, I was thrilled to learn there was a charity close to home willing to take in a student. With the program coordinator's support and encouragement, I sent in a resume to United Way South Niagara (UWSN). I had an interview with them in January, which subsequently led to my placement there this past April.

Putting my skills to use in the not-for-profit arena was very appealing. The idea I could make a positive difference in my community and help provide comfort to those suffering mentally, emotionally, physically or financially spurred me on when the going got tough. Believe me, as a single mom with three children, it was far from easy. Although, knowing my kids look to me as a role model (whether they'd admit to it or not) was another huge motivational factor. I wasn't just in it for myself.

The arrangement was a win-win for both the organization and me. They gained a motivated and eager employee for a month and I had the chance to test out my newly acquired public relations skills by completing a variety of projects for them. I prepared editorial and social media calendars and created content for social media platforms, wrote website content, assisted in event planning, analyzed reports and performed administrative duties. It felt good to work for an organization with values that align with my own.

United Way has three primary areas of concentration:
1. All That Kids & Families Can Be

2. Healthy People, Strong Communities

3. From Poverty to Possibility

Built on the belief that more could be accomplished to advance the common good by banding together, UWSN is a unique charity in that it doesn't raise money for its own direct cause.  They help create a healthier, stronger community by engaging people and mobilizing collective action. #WeArePossibility

With an annual campaign that runs from September to April, UWSN appeals to the community for donations and support. UWSN then gives back to the community by funding not-for-profit agencies that provide essential programs and services. With UWSN's assistance, the affiliated not-for-profit agencies don't have to spend their own time and money fundraising and can remain focused on their respective missions.

It was a pleasure to work with the executive director, campaign associate and book keeper. They are a small but amazing crew that, along with many volunteers, keeps UWSN ticking.

What can you do?
Give. Volunteer. Act.

Stephanie

P.S. Stay up to date with UWSN by joining them on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook. 

School of Hard Knocks

For the last seven months, I was taking a full-time, post-graduate public relations program. Although I didn't make the Dean's List as I initially aspired to (90 per cent or more in all courses), I came pretty darn close. Despite this shortcoming, I'm not disappointed in myself. During my first term, my boss/friend gave me advice which enabled me to take a lot of pressure off myself, "Don't worry about your grades, just enjoy the journey."

As a mature student, I did the best I could while…

• raising two adolescent girls and a little boy, single-handedly

• healing from an abusive relationship and struggling with anxiety

• fighting for freedom from my ex through a completely unnecessary and prolonged legal battle (almost 2.5 years)

• cultivating a beautiful, new relationship with an intelligent, inquisitive, creative, brave and passionate man.

Ultimately, I realize my acomplishments cannot be measured by marks and the true value of my efforts may not be tangible for months or even years to come. I did, however, achieve my main goals: build self-confidence and improve self-esteem, practice and polish my writing skills, acquire formal training in Mac OS and desktop publishing, and make new friends and business contacts.

Returning to school was positively one of the best decisions I've ever made. I will look back on my time spent at Niagara College fondly and remember with appreciation the support and kindness I received from my teachers and classmates.

I wish my fellow classmates all the best, as we each embark on the next steps of our journeys - our internships.

Keep in touch,

Stephanie

Fighting Society's Warped Expectations and Objectification of Women

Watch the video here: We are #WomenNotObjects 

When my oldest daughter was barely four, I happened to find her looking in the mirror and sucking in her stomach. I was horrified. Since one of my older sisters had an eating disorder in her late twenties, I felt my family may be prone to developing such an illness. I banned the words "fat" and "diet" from our house. I emphasized the need to make good choices and eat nutritious meals, in order to "be healthy."

See blog Beauty Redefined for FAQ.

The thought of my girls becoming anorexic still scares me to death. I want them to be confident in who they are and value themselves enough to take good care of their bodies by eating a well-balanced diet, participating in sports and getting adequate rest. I don't want them to base their self-worth on how many likes their selfies get on Instagram or suffer low self-esteem because they don't think they measure up to society's warped expectations of what a female body should (or shouldn’t) look like.

Since there is a history of diabetes and heart disease in our family, I want to provide them with the best start possible, so they could avoid any weight-related health issues down the road. It's a delicate line to walk, trying to foster healthy life-style habits without giving them the impression they need to be a certain body type.

The ability to maintain a healthy body image and strong self-confidence is becoming more and more difficult for many women, due to endless provocative advertisements that objectify females. Even at 40, I find it hard not to compare myself to photo-shopped pictures in advertisements. How are my daughters managing? Not very well, I'd guess.

It's been 10 years and my baby, who is now 14, complained to me just yesterday that she looks pregnant. At 5 feet 4 inches tall and 114 pounds, she is quite slender (as of this month she is now officially taller than me). I explained since she's had a recent growth spurt, it is only natural for her to gain a few pounds. In fact, I worry she doesn’t eat enough.

As someone who has always struggled to maintain a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI), I wonder if the example I set for my children has been good enough. I have tried very hard to stop body shaming myself and adopt the mindset of the Body Positive Movement as explained in a video by Marie Southard Ospina and Bustle featured on Everyday Feminism Magazine. I want to exude confidence and show my girls I am still capable of looking and feeling good despite carrying "extra" weight.

Madonna Badger in interview with Matt Lauer on Today.

"Objectifying women is really up there with inequality of women," said Manhattan advertising executive Madonna Badger on Jan. 26, 2016, in an interview with Matt Lauer of TODAY.

After losing her family (three daughters and her parents) in a tragic house fire on Christmas Day in 2011, Badger tells Lauer she is taking on the fight against the objectification of women in marketing and advertising. She is redirecting her energy into a new campaign, #WomenNotObjects, that has been on her mind for years.

"We talked about what innovation and marketing really meant," said Badger, regarding the Women's Wear Daily Beauty CEO Summit in 2007 and 2009. "It’s no longer this old paradigm of filling the consumer with shame and anxiety. You know, ‘You’re not good enough,’” but rather "getting inside the shoes of your consumer."

Ashley Graham's lingerie collection available
at Addition Elle. Shop here.

One company that seems to have been able to do just that is Addition Elle. Their vision and mission is to "champion a fashion democracy, where style isn’t limited by size." They promise to "deliver modern, fashionable clothes; in an inspiring, world-class shopping experience in-store and online" to help women who wear their clothes to "feel confident, beautiful and included in the fashion world."

I've been shopping at Addition Elle for over a decade. I've always appreciated the variety of fashionable clothes they've offered. Their sizes, styles and options for women size 12 and up only continue to improve. When I read their new slogan #IamSizeSexy, which debuted in March 2015, I smiled to myself. Yes I am, I thought. There is no need to define what size sexy actually is.

Standing with you,
Stephanie

She's Pretty Super, Even Without a Cape

People often remark, "You don't look like a
depressed person." I tell them, I'm not.
I'm a happy person, living with a
depressive disorder. - Susan Misfud

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a… middle-aged woman in a cardigan!?

“I thought I was able to leap tall buildings in a single bound,” said Susan Misfud of Niagara Falls, Ont. “I never asked for help before; I thought I could do it all myself.”

In 2010, Susan’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, her second marriage was deteriorating and her oldest son was battling mental health issues of his own. It was at this point, when she was dealing with many stressors, that she started “self-medicating with alcohol.”

“I never admitted I was struggling and needed help,” said Susan, a clean-cut business woman who had a succesful career in the human resources department at Brock University.

Fortunately, she realized drinking to help her cope with life’s difficulties “was a bad choice” and used it as a learning opportunity. She sought help from Community Addiction Services of Niagara (CASON) in St. Catharines and went through the rehab process there.

Susan attended a three-week program with a group of 15 others. She recalls one young woman from the treatment program who told her, “It’s funny, because you come here after work wearing your skirts and cardigans and yet you’re the same as we are.”

She agreed with her fellow group member, “There is no looking down. We are all equals. Everyone has the same opportunity to be unwell.”

Originally diagnosed with situational depression in her twenties, Susan was on and off medication for years. She was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions that took her “up and down, up and down.” Eventually, she and her doctor realized her depression and anxiety was a chronic case. She now takes medication regularly, which helps to keep her stabilized.

“If I had to take insulin because I was a diabetic, it doesn’t mean I could go out and eat all the sugar I wanted,” Susan said, explaining medication isn’t a cure-all.  “I had to change my lifestyle as well, making sure I’m sleeping properly, eating better, and exercising regularly.”

Susan said her biggest struggle was accepting that she suffered from mental illness. “It’s not something that’s transitory, but it doesn’t define who I am.”

Surprisingly, once Susan came to terms with her diagnosis, she was able to accept it as a gift. Deep introspection and self-reflection enabled her to experience an awakening which has proven to be very beneficial to her, especially in 2014 when Brock downsized and she lost her job.

After 26 years of service at Brock University, Susan, 49,

lost her job. She decided to go back to school for a Master

of Education degree. When asked to share an interesting

fact about herself with the class, she nervously blurted out,

"I'm old enough to be everyone's mom."

Susan always thought she would retire from the university where she worked for 26 years.  Although her job loss did come as a shock, she said she realized it wasn’t the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

Many people are devastated by job loss, but due to her experience with depression and anxiety she has developed a resilient character. “I spent a lot of time figuring out what gives me energy and what takes my energy,” said Susan. “I have a very good sense of who I am, what I’m passionate about and what I want to do, and I’ve been able to funnel myself into those opportunities."

Susan has been boldly sharing her journey with mental illness since she became a volunteer with the Canadian Mental Health Association (CHMA) in 2008. She is aware openly speaking about her struggle with depression, anxiety and addiction may put a damper on her job search in the Niagara Region where the “job market is not all that fabulous” to begin with.

“There is still great amount of stigma associated with mental illness and there are some employers who are going to look at that and move on, but the flip side of that is I shouldn’t be working for those organizations anyway.”

After completing a Master of Education degree last December, Susan decided to leverage her expertise in human resources to start her own business focusing on opportunities in mental health education and administrative projects.

Susan has made a progression from "self-stigma to empowerment" and has transitioned from self-acceptance to fighting for social justice. “I need to walk the talk, put myself out there,” said Susan, whose goal is to support others in their recovery journey.

With a beautiful smile and an infectious laugh, it is hard to believe anything could keep Susan from reaching her dreams. She's unstoppable.

Find out more about Susan and her inspiring story by visiting her blog, silverliningfrog. It's definitely worth the read.

All the best,
Stephanie

How Do You Cope with a Busy Schedule?

Life can be overwhelming. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in several directions at once and find it difficult to cope.

We are often juggling many demands. These can be placed on us by our children, partners, bosses, teachers, parents, friends, and even ourselves. Add one more stressor to the rotation and the delicate balance can easily be disrupted.

What can we do to ensure we don't drop any balls or lose ourselves in the process? I have come up with a few pointers to help manage a busy schedule and stay productive without becoming run down.

Prioritize

Some demands require immediate attention, like the needs and well-being of your family, while others have less significance when compared to your overall purpose and therefore may have to be postponed or abandoned.

Say "No"

You can't be or do everything for everyone. It's okay to include "no" in your vocabulary. I think the people in your life who really care about you wouldn't want you to say yes to them, if they knew you were already struggling to manage a crazy schedule.

Practice Self-Care

If you don't look out for #1, no one else will. Without taking the time to make sure your own needs are met, you will eventually burn out. Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself because if you're not well, you'll have nothing left to give others.

As a self-employed, divorced single mom of three, dog owner and full-time student in a long-distance relationship, my time and energy is spread pretty thin. If you'd like to share your tips or ideas on how to successfully manage a busy schedule, I'd love to hear them. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Kind regards,

Stephanie

Listen Up!

My mom had our clock radio tuned to the local country music station, when I was a kid. Music was our morning alarm, so I got ready for school listening to tunes like The Gambler by Kenny Rogers, Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson, and Wasn't that a Party by the Irish Rovers.

My dad bought me albums of popular children's music, including Raffi, Fred Penner and Sharon Lois and Bram. I also enjoyed his record collection: Pink Floyd, Moody Blues and The Steve Miller Band.

As a teenager, my music choices branched even further out. I had hundreds of cassette tapes. Everything from soft, hard and alternative rock to pop, post punk and new wave. My cousin and I went to several concerts together, including Neil Young, Rolling Stones, The Tragically Hip and Rush.

Lyrics are usually catchy. One could easily learn the words to a song, but never quite hear its message. A prime example of this is Freewill from Rush's album Permanent Waves.

Back then, the profound meaning behind the song went over my head and I missed the important lesson: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

It wasn't until 2012, when I read a story titled Choices by a man who proclaimed "no one gets a pass on the obligation of choice," that I finally got it. He was referring to those who stay in unhappy or abusive relationships.

I had been living in a relationship that was very much one-sided. I gave up on my wants and needs and surrendered control to my partner. I thought marriage was forever and that our love for each other could conquer anything. In reality, I was the one who was doing all the work. He was emotionally unavailable, detached and indifferent to my pain. Like many others living in similar situations, I felt powerless.

I was existing in a vicious cycle of hope and unfulfilled promises. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. BUT, by doing nothing, I was still making a choice. Once I understood this, I realized I had many options. I could choose deliberately (or by doing nothing) to stay in the dysfunctional relationship, or I could hold him accountable for his behaviour and leave. I became empowered and chose to take action. No more passive choices.

Don't leave your life to chance. Take control. Make informed choices. Choose FREEWILL.

Yours truly,

Stephanie

Are You Paralyzed by Fear?

Hopes and dreams abound in the minds of many people. Unfortunately, without courage to act on them, that’s where they often stay. Fear is a powerful emotion with the potential to keep you from reaching yours. Self-doubt perpetuates self-doubt.

Last February, I was invited to apply for a company that provides writing services. Honoured to be considered and excited at the prospect, I quickly prepared and submitted my resume. I presented as a confident and eager candidate and had a successful interview resulting in a job offer.

Although I had studied journalism in college, frequently received compliments on my writing and was my friends’ go-to person for all things writing-related, I immediately began to doubt my ability.

Feedback improved with each completed project, yet I remained cautiously optimistic:

I obsessed over every detail of every project.

I read every email a hundred times before hitting send.

I didn’t want to look incompetent, so I was reluctant to ask for clarity.

I took corrections to my work and constructive criticism hard and attacked myself for being stupid.

The flow of work was steady and I was happy to accept as many projects as I could. In one case, I accepted the work without reviewing my new client's file first. When I opened it, my heart froze and my stomach dropped. There was five times as much material to go through than what I had seen so far. Panic ensued.

My internal dialogue was not pretty: What had I been thinking? I knew it was too good to be true. I can’t do this job. I’m in way over my head. I’m going to get fired and I just got hired. I’m a failure. 

I experienced heart palpitations, as I paced the floor and bit my nails. Walking from one room to another, it seemed as though I was looking for something. A life raft perhaps. Something to keep me from drowning in my own self-pity. I grabbed my phone instead.

Using facetime, I called my boyfriend. He was sympathetic and listened to me rant. He remained calm, cool and collected. His demeanor was somewhat contagious and I listened as he helped me to challenge my distorted thinking. He suggested I start with what I knew and take care of the easy things first. With his help, I was able to regain my composure and complete the project on deadline.

After discussing this episode with my therapist, she shared a technique that helped me to put risk and reward in perspective and minimize my fear of failure. She simply pointed out the worst case scenario in this situation, which would be getting fired, and asked how that would affect me six months from now? I told her I would recover and find another job.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his inaugural address, "The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself."

In order to overcome my fear, I had to face it head on. I learned I couldn’t allow fear to keep me from trying, or I would fail by default. As it turns out, I’ll be celebrating my first work anniversary in a few days.

Cheers,

Stephanie

Be Mindful of Your Feelings

If you’re looking for an understanding and sympathetic ear, you’ve found one. I feel like I've been through my fair share of heartache and pain and can be an empathetic listener. I'm happy to share my life experiences, with hope they provide inspiration and empowerment to others.

Follow my story and you will witness the transformation of a woman who came close to losing all hope, to one who has had her hope restored. I was heartbroken, but I persevered through the pain. I discovered a strength of character, which had been developing in me for almost two decades, as I journeyed through a dysfunctional relationship.

One of the things I learned throughout my ordeal is the importance of acknowledging your feelings. I believe this is key to reclaiming yourself. Be mindful of whether or not you are happy. If you are unhappy, think about why.

Blow off steam by incorporating exercise into your daily routine. It is scientifically proven to help allieviate depression and anxiety. Go for a walk or hit the gym. This can help you process your thoughts, relax and reduce your stress levels.

Don't keep your troubled thoughts to yourself. Talk about them to a trusted friend or family member. They can help you brainstorm ways to improve your situation or simply listen to you vent.

If you're too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help or talk to a family member or friend, make an appointment with a health care professional. Sometimes just being able to talk to an unbiased third-party will help you to sort out your thoughts.

One thing for sure, sharing your burdens will definitely lighten the load. Remember, you're not alone.

Warm regards,

Stephanie

Ready? Set. Go!

Getting started isn’t always easy. Take this blog for example. Even though I’m really excited about it, I’m almost a week behind schedule already.

You could have the best laid plans, but life likes throwing curve balls. I promised myself I’d have it completed by Friday, but I ended up making two trips to the hospital emergency room in one week. First with my oldest child, then with my middle one. Killer migraines and broken ankles are only a couple reasons your schedule could be put on hold. Trust me, there are countless others.

If you’re like me, the negative committee that meets inside your head will be the first to say, “I told you that you couldn’t do it.” It’s okay for you to tell these naysayers to “shut up.” You’ll be amazed at what you could accomplish when you replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations.

The important thing is to keep moving forward. Don’t let these unexpected challenges completely derail you. Get back on track as soon as possible.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – LaoTzu

I know it can be difficult to remain calm, motivated and focused. We all backslide sometimes. When I’m overwhelmed, I try not to look too far into the future. It’s common for me to take one hour at a time, never mind a day.

My goal here is to share my story of personal growth and development. If even one person gains some insight from my experiences and their life is positively impacted, then this all will have been worth my effort.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I'd like to hear from you. Email me!

All the best,

Stephanie