She's Pretty Super, Even Without a Cape

People often remark, "You don't look like a
depressed person." I tell them, I'm not.
I'm a happy person, living with a
depressive disorder. - Susan Misfud

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a… middle-aged woman in a cardigan!?

“I thought I was able to leap tall buildings in a single bound,” said Susan Misfud of Niagara Falls, Ont. “I never asked for help before; I thought I could do it all myself.”

In 2010, Susan’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, her second marriage was deteriorating and her oldest son was battling mental health issues of his own. It was at this point, when she was dealing with many stressors, that she started “self-medicating with alcohol.”

“I never admitted I was struggling and needed help,” said Susan, a clean-cut business woman who had a succesful career in the human resources department at Brock University.

Fortunately, she realized drinking to help her cope with life’s difficulties “was a bad choice” and used it as a learning opportunity. She sought help from Community Addiction Services of Niagara (CASON) in St. Catharines and went through the rehab process there.

Susan attended a three-week program with a group of 15 others. She recalls one young woman from the treatment program who told her, “It’s funny, because you come here after work wearing your skirts and cardigans and yet you’re the same as we are.”

She agreed with her fellow group member, “There is no looking down. We are all equals. Everyone has the same opportunity to be unwell.”

Originally diagnosed with situational depression in her twenties, Susan was on and off medication for years. She was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions that took her “up and down, up and down.” Eventually, she and her doctor realized her depression and anxiety was a chronic case. She now takes medication regularly, which helps to keep her stabilized.

“If I had to take insulin because I was a diabetic, it doesn’t mean I could go out and eat all the sugar I wanted,” Susan said, explaining medication isn’t a cure-all.  “I had to change my lifestyle as well, making sure I’m sleeping properly, eating better, and exercising regularly.”

Susan said her biggest struggle was accepting that she suffered from mental illness. “It’s not something that’s transitory, but it doesn’t define who I am.”

Surprisingly, once Susan came to terms with her diagnosis, she was able to accept it as a gift. Deep introspection and self-reflection enabled her to experience an awakening which has proven to be very beneficial to her, especially in 2014 when Brock downsized and she lost her job.

After 26 years of service at Brock University, Susan, 49,

lost her job. She decided to go back to school for a Master

of Education degree. When asked to share an interesting

fact about herself with the class, she nervously blurted out,

"I'm old enough to be everyone's mom."

Susan always thought she would retire from the university where she worked for 26 years.  Although her job loss did come as a shock, she said she realized it wasn’t the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

Many people are devastated by job loss, but due to her experience with depression and anxiety she has developed a resilient character. “I spent a lot of time figuring out what gives me energy and what takes my energy,” said Susan. “I have a very good sense of who I am, what I’m passionate about and what I want to do, and I’ve been able to funnel myself into those opportunities."

Susan has been boldly sharing her journey with mental illness since she became a volunteer with the Canadian Mental Health Association (CHMA) in 2008. She is aware openly speaking about her struggle with depression, anxiety and addiction may put a damper on her job search in the Niagara Region where the “job market is not all that fabulous” to begin with.

“There is still great amount of stigma associated with mental illness and there are some employers who are going to look at that and move on, but the flip side of that is I shouldn’t be working for those organizations anyway.”

After completing a Master of Education degree last December, Susan decided to leverage her expertise in human resources to start her own business focusing on opportunities in mental health education and administrative projects.

Susan has made a progression from "self-stigma to empowerment" and has transitioned from self-acceptance to fighting for social justice. “I need to walk the talk, put myself out there,” said Susan, whose goal is to support others in their recovery journey.

With a beautiful smile and an infectious laugh, it is hard to believe anything could keep Susan from reaching her dreams. She's unstoppable.

Find out more about Susan and her inspiring story by visiting her blog, silverliningfrog. It's definitely worth the read.

All the best,
Stephanie

Listen Up!

My mom had our clock radio tuned to the local country music station, when I was a kid. Music was our morning alarm, so I got ready for school listening to tunes like The Gambler by Kenny Rogers, Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson, and Wasn't that a Party by the Irish Rovers.

My dad bought me albums of popular children's music, including Raffi, Fred Penner and Sharon Lois and Bram. I also enjoyed his record collection: Pink Floyd, Moody Blues and The Steve Miller Band.

As a teenager, my music choices branched even further out. I had hundreds of cassette tapes. Everything from soft, hard and alternative rock to pop, post punk and new wave. My cousin and I went to several concerts together, including Neil Young, Rolling Stones, The Tragically Hip and Rush.

Lyrics are usually catchy. One could easily learn the words to a song, but never quite hear its message. A prime example of this is Freewill from Rush's album Permanent Waves.

Back then, the profound meaning behind the song went over my head and I missed the important lesson: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

It wasn't until 2012, when I read a story titled Choices by a man who proclaimed "no one gets a pass on the obligation of choice," that I finally got it. He was referring to those who stay in unhappy or abusive relationships.

I had been living in a relationship that was very much one-sided. I gave up on my wants and needs and surrendered control to my partner. I thought marriage was forever and that our love for each other could conquer anything. In reality, I was the one who was doing all the work. He was emotionally unavailable, detached and indifferent to my pain. Like many others living in similar situations, I felt powerless.

I was existing in a vicious cycle of hope and unfulfilled promises. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. BUT, by doing nothing, I was still making a choice. Once I understood this, I realized I had many options. I could choose deliberately (or by doing nothing) to stay in the dysfunctional relationship, or I could hold him accountable for his behaviour and leave. I became empowered and chose to take action. No more passive choices.

Don't leave your life to chance. Take control. Make informed choices. Choose FREEWILL.

Yours truly,

Stephanie

Are You Paralyzed by Fear?

Hopes and dreams abound in the minds of many people. Unfortunately, without courage to act on them, that’s where they often stay. Fear is a powerful emotion with the potential to keep you from reaching yours. Self-doubt perpetuates self-doubt.

Last February, I was invited to apply for a company that provides writing services. Honoured to be considered and excited at the prospect, I quickly prepared and submitted my resume. I presented as a confident and eager candidate and had a successful interview resulting in a job offer.

Although I had studied journalism in college, frequently received compliments on my writing and was my friends’ go-to person for all things writing-related, I immediately began to doubt my ability.

Feedback improved with each completed project, yet I remained cautiously optimistic:

I obsessed over every detail of every project.

I read every email a hundred times before hitting send.

I didn’t want to look incompetent, so I was reluctant to ask for clarity.

I took corrections to my work and constructive criticism hard and attacked myself for being stupid.

The flow of work was steady and I was happy to accept as many projects as I could. In one case, I accepted the work without reviewing my new client's file first. When I opened it, my heart froze and my stomach dropped. There was five times as much material to go through than what I had seen so far. Panic ensued.

My internal dialogue was not pretty: What had I been thinking? I knew it was too good to be true. I can’t do this job. I’m in way over my head. I’m going to get fired and I just got hired. I’m a failure. 

I experienced heart palpitations, as I paced the floor and bit my nails. Walking from one room to another, it seemed as though I was looking for something. A life raft perhaps. Something to keep me from drowning in my own self-pity. I grabbed my phone instead.

Using facetime, I called my boyfriend. He was sympathetic and listened to me rant. He remained calm, cool and collected. His demeanor was somewhat contagious and I listened as he helped me to challenge my distorted thinking. He suggested I start with what I knew and take care of the easy things first. With his help, I was able to regain my composure and complete the project on deadline.

After discussing this episode with my therapist, she shared a technique that helped me to put risk and reward in perspective and minimize my fear of failure. She simply pointed out the worst case scenario in this situation, which would be getting fired, and asked how that would affect me six months from now? I told her I would recover and find another job.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his inaugural address, "The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself."

In order to overcome my fear, I had to face it head on. I learned I couldn’t allow fear to keep me from trying, or I would fail by default. As it turns out, I’ll be celebrating my first work anniversary in a few days.

Cheers,

Stephanie

Be Mindful of Your Feelings

If you’re looking for an understanding and sympathetic ear, you’ve found one. I feel like I've been through my fair share of heartache and pain and can be an empathetic listener. I'm happy to share my life experiences, with hope they provide inspiration and empowerment to others.

Follow my story and you will witness the transformation of a woman who came close to losing all hope, to one who has had her hope restored. I was heartbroken, but I persevered through the pain. I discovered a strength of character, which had been developing in me for almost two decades, as I journeyed through a dysfunctional relationship.

One of the things I learned throughout my ordeal is the importance of acknowledging your feelings. I believe this is key to reclaiming yourself. Be mindful of whether or not you are happy. If you are unhappy, think about why.

Blow off steam by incorporating exercise into your daily routine. It is scientifically proven to help allieviate depression and anxiety. Go for a walk or hit the gym. This can help you process your thoughts, relax and reduce your stress levels.

Don't keep your troubled thoughts to yourself. Talk about them to a trusted friend or family member. They can help you brainstorm ways to improve your situation or simply listen to you vent.

If you're too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help or talk to a family member or friend, make an appointment with a health care professional. Sometimes just being able to talk to an unbiased third-party will help you to sort out your thoughts.

One thing for sure, sharing your burdens will definitely lighten the load. Remember, you're not alone.

Warm regards,

Stephanie