School of Hard Knocks

For the last seven months, I was taking a full-time, post-graduate public relations program. Although I didn't make the Dean's List as I initially aspired to (90 per cent or more in all courses), I came pretty darn close. Despite this shortcoming, I'm not disappointed in myself. During my first term, my boss/friend gave me advice which enabled me to take a lot of pressure off myself, "Don't worry about your grades, just enjoy the journey."

As a mature student, I did the best I could while…

• raising two adolescent girls and a little boy, single-handedly

• healing from an abusive relationship and struggling with anxiety

• fighting for freedom from my ex through a completely unnecessary and prolonged legal battle (almost 2.5 years)

• cultivating a beautiful, new relationship with an intelligent, inquisitive, creative, brave and passionate man.

Ultimately, I realize my acomplishments cannot be measured by marks and the true value of my efforts may not be tangible for months or even years to come. I did, however, achieve my main goals: build self-confidence and improve self-esteem, practice and polish my writing skills, acquire formal training in Mac OS and desktop publishing, and make new friends and business contacts.

Returning to school was positively one of the best decisions I've ever made. I will look back on my time spent at Niagara College fondly and remember with appreciation the support and kindness I received from my teachers and classmates.

I wish my fellow classmates all the best, as we each embark on the next steps of our journeys - our internships.

Keep in touch,

Stephanie

Are You Paralyzed by Fear?

Hopes and dreams abound in the minds of many people. Unfortunately, without courage to act on them, that’s where they often stay. Fear is a powerful emotion with the potential to keep you from reaching yours. Self-doubt perpetuates self-doubt.

Last February, I was invited to apply for a company that provides writing services. Honoured to be considered and excited at the prospect, I quickly prepared and submitted my resume. I presented as a confident and eager candidate and had a successful interview resulting in a job offer.

Although I had studied journalism in college, frequently received compliments on my writing and was my friends’ go-to person for all things writing-related, I immediately began to doubt my ability.

Feedback improved with each completed project, yet I remained cautiously optimistic:

I obsessed over every detail of every project.

I read every email a hundred times before hitting send.

I didn’t want to look incompetent, so I was reluctant to ask for clarity.

I took corrections to my work and constructive criticism hard and attacked myself for being stupid.

The flow of work was steady and I was happy to accept as many projects as I could. In one case, I accepted the work without reviewing my new client's file first. When I opened it, my heart froze and my stomach dropped. There was five times as much material to go through than what I had seen so far. Panic ensued.

My internal dialogue was not pretty: What had I been thinking? I knew it was too good to be true. I can’t do this job. I’m in way over my head. I’m going to get fired and I just got hired. I’m a failure. 

I experienced heart palpitations, as I paced the floor and bit my nails. Walking from one room to another, it seemed as though I was looking for something. A life raft perhaps. Something to keep me from drowning in my own self-pity. I grabbed my phone instead.

Using facetime, I called my boyfriend. He was sympathetic and listened to me rant. He remained calm, cool and collected. His demeanor was somewhat contagious and I listened as he helped me to challenge my distorted thinking. He suggested I start with what I knew and take care of the easy things first. With his help, I was able to regain my composure and complete the project on deadline.

After discussing this episode with my therapist, she shared a technique that helped me to put risk and reward in perspective and minimize my fear of failure. She simply pointed out the worst case scenario in this situation, which would be getting fired, and asked how that would affect me six months from now? I told her I would recover and find another job.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his inaugural address, "The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself."

In order to overcome my fear, I had to face it head on. I learned I couldn’t allow fear to keep me from trying, or I would fail by default. As it turns out, I’ll be celebrating my first work anniversary in a few days.

Cheers,

Stephanie